Rid the guilt!

4 questions to stop your Guilt Trip

Guilt is a horrible feeling. Whether you feel guilty about not getting the tea ready for your hard working husband, or treating someone unfairly five years ago, the feeling is the same.

How often do you find yourself dealing with guilt? Do you wonder whether you said something hurtful? Let someone down? Left a job unfinished or failed at achieving a goal? Do you lay awake at night ruminating over feelings of shame or thoughts of not measuring up?

Us Busy Girls are very good at harbouring guilt regarding just about anything.

You're not alone Busy Girls, we've had lots of blogs about guilt recently: Jane had a falling out with a friend when she expressed frustration about being stood up for a lunch date. Hannah feels awful every day when she leaves her children at nursery to go to work. Isobel tells us that she feels bad that she hasn't time to spend with her partner alone as she's got the house, kids & her job to contend with. All these women have told us they felt overwhelmed by selfishness & guilt afterwards – rehearsing in their minds how they could approach their situations differently.

What can us Busy Girls do? How can we get past the torture of self-reproach & shame? I’d like to share with you four questions you can ask yourself in order to conquer & move out of the guilt-trip:

What exactly happened?

If your guilt resides from an confrontation, write out what actually happened - what you & the others involved said & did. If you argued, did you stick to the facts or did you commit character assassination?

What can I do to make amends?

Here is your opportunity to work on reconciliation. If you feel it's appropriate, call or write to the other person stating you now realise you may have been unfair. Apologize. Tell them you'd like a fresh start. If you feel hurt by something they did, talk about what was said or done (the facts only) that hurt you. Make it clear that you want to move past this & build a better relationship.

Who am I doing this for?

Ultimately, you need to understand where your motivation comes from - to determine this, ask yourself. Why am I so Busy? Who am I doing my job for? Why don't I have time to do the things I want to, or should do? Why did I miss the deadline? Am I truly being selfish or too selfless?

Am I dealing with false or true guilt?

It's mportant to realise that you may be dealing with false guilt. It may be that you are too critical of yourself or that someone else has caused you to feel badly when there's no basis for it. You may not have anything to apologise for. Ask yourself, am I usually considerate? Do I usually help people out wherever I can? Do I do what I can for others? It may be that whatever you feel guilty about was not really in your control.

In that case, the problem lies within your own mind & you need to let it go. If someone is accusing & blaming you falsely you can work through the questions and weigh the evidence about whether you have done something hurtful or wrong.

Finally... Accepting yourself as a human being with frailties is another important aspect of getting beyond the guilt-trip. No one is perfect. No one can claim to be the best wife, housekeeper, dresser, professional or business woman, mother, single parent or most well-educated.

We're all just Busy Girls, trying to achieve in our own ways, that's all.

Hope I helped Busy Girls... have a lovely week & stop beating yourselves up about not getting things done!

Love Lucy x

Lucy O'Neill
Lifestyle & Business Coach
The Busy Girls Guide

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