Husband Hunting Part Two

"Dear Lucy. I'm in my late 30's & I'm stuck in a rut. All my friends are paired off & married or with kids. I've just left a relationship with a man who really wasn't right for me - but I hate being alone. What on earth can I do? Please help, because I'm really not happy. Love Cathy J, Cheshire"

Dear Cathy,

I know you've read part one (for those who haven't it's here) & that you're desperate for this concluding section, so without further ado...

Where are all the men?

They are there - don't believe all your friends who say that there are no free lovely men around. Just think, for every girl who goes through a divorce or split, there was a man in that relationship. And, not all men run off with women half their age- what's one man's treasure...

Abandon your wish list

Got an ideal mate? Got him illustrated beautifully in your mind's eye? Is he tall? Well built or slim? Blonde or dark & mysterious? Maybe you're not fussed about looks, but he has to hate football & love shopping...

Stop it, now!

The only way you'll find your perfect mate is if you stop trying to construct him. Think back to your first boyfriend (God forbid) I bet he's completely different to the next & the next & definitely the last.

For as long as you have a wish list, you will be continually disappointed. The best trick is to go with the flow, allow people your time, even if they don't fit your stereotype. Take time to chat to them, it's bit like networking, even if they're not your type, you never know who they know or indeed, what you might find out about them that has you bouncing off the walls with desire.

The One will no doubt be The One you least expect - so please stop expecting him to present himself as The One from the outset - you may grow to find the Odd One, in time, becomes the Right One.

Do something wild!

Normally wear jeans & a top when out with the girls? Go for a drink in sky scraper heels? Whatever you do normally, do the opposite for a change. Wear a little dress & sandals when out with the girls, try flats instead of heels.

What this does is gets you out of 'the norm', so you mentally transform from your normal boring self into Little Miss Interesting... someone with a bit more flavour. When you feel different, you look more interesting, you act differently & you give off all the right signals - the trick is to feel good about yourself - don't wear it if you don't feel good in it.

Avoid your friends

Unless they are the most motivating in the world, friends have a canny way of reminding you of your singleness. Worse still, friends often get a laugh out of your situation - 'Go on! Say hello to him! Do you want me to ask him for you!?' Argh!

Save girls nights out for girlie chat & try the visit to a new bar for a scout with someone you've known less time, someone who doesn't know you well enough to handle your 'no I can't!' strops or to panic for you, when approached.

Just imagine how much more flirty & fun you'd be if noone you knew was watching...

Don't play it cool

No matter what others say, playing it 'cool' is a big no no. Game playing is for spotty teenagers & commitment-phobic wallies. You want a man who isn't afraid to commit to you, who will be proud to be with you. So forget the games.

Start playing it cool & you will attract equally cool players - this isn't to say you should start rubbing the thighs of every man you meet, but a little less cold-shoulder would be better.

Enthusiastic chatter, laughter & fun will have men flocking like flies around, well, you know. Be you, be confident & be lovely - nobody wants a sour face girlfriend, let alone wife. Be too much of a challenge & you'll start attracting the competitive, commitment phobic dorks, who once they've won you over, will move on to the next challenge.

Lastly my dear Busy Girls, on your quest to finding Mr Right, or rather him finding you, a word of warning. The more you look, the less likely you are to find... The One is out there somewhere, you're just not putting yourself into the face of opportunity.

Like a pawn on a chess board, you need to move strategically, to be in the right place at the right time... that time will come & when it does, I want to hear all about it!

Until then Busy Girl...

Busy love

Lucy x

Lucy O'Neill
Lifestyle & Business Coach
Busy Girls Guide
Manchester & Cheshire

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