Busy Girl's guide to Husband Hunting

"Dear Lucy. I'm in my late 30's & I'm stuck in a rut. All my friends are paired off & married or with kids. I've just left a relationship with a man who really wasn't right for me - but I hate being alone. What on earth can I do? Please help, because I'm really not happy. Love Cathy J, Cheshire"

Dear Cathy,

Firstly sweet, I have to tell you, you're so not alone. You wouldn't believe how many lovely Busy Girls I meet & coach, who are in the same predicament. It may feel like you're stuck in a rut, but believe me, you can change. It will take a bit of courage, but I hope to be able to help you find the answer.

I've split this into 3 parts, as I know you're a Busy Girl, so here's my part one on finding Mr Right...

Don't obsess about being perfect

You don't have to be a size 10, look like Sienna Miller when you step out of bed in the morning & glide through life without a bad hair day or eye bag in sight... men don't really like shiny stiffness, ok?

It's a total myth that you need to be buffed, tweezered & tanned within an inch of your life to bag a good man. Look at all the preened women you know - are they all truly happy with their men? Or is something missing do you think? You want your new man to be thinking 'gosh, what a lovely person' not 'gosh, what an effort she's made'.

Ok, so I admit, you want to feel good about yourself & a bit less weight & a little more lippy can give you more confidence, but please don't pick & pinch at your natural ageing - to others you may well be getting better as you get older - hey, that toned sense of humour is definitely an attractive addition to your repertoire.

Do I have to accept all social invitations to find him?

The biggest problem singles have is choosing which events not to go to - there's nothing more depressing than being set up with someone's single friend at a dinner party, who is less than inspiring & quite frankly far too hairy & short to even entertain touching let alone sleeping with. These experiences drain your minimal confidence & energy levels even further, not to mention completely waste your time...

The secret is to split your social life into 3 categories - 1. Relaxing with friends, 2 - Possible meeting-men time, 3 - Good chance of meeting-men time. Quite simply, you do number 1 & number 3 automatically, number 2 - avoid. If you know you have a good chance of meeting someone, then wear the underwear that makes you feel good, get your best dress on & look forward to the opportunity. A bit of adrenaline & opportunism goes a long way.

Lastly for this week & this is relevant particularly to you Cathy - you say you're not happy being alone. I truly believe that it is absolutely fundamental that a woman should be happy with her own company. Until you are truly happy with yourself, including your self image & are being alone for a short space of time, you will never be truly happy with a partner - they should be a complementary addition to your life, not your crutch.

There are ways of helping you to find self happiness... I want you to have a look at this article & let me know how you get on.

Next week I'll continue my advice to you, with the next few steps 'where are all the men?', 'Abandon your wish list', 'Do something wild', 'Avoid your friends' & 'don't play it cool'... see you then Busy Girl...

Busy love

Lucy x

Lucy O'Neill
Lifestyle & Business Coach
Busy Girls Guide
Manchester & Cheshire